Sometimes life can be hard!
When you know that God is in control, but you don’t understand what He is doing, it can leave you in a state of frustration.
At times such as these I have gotten angry with God, and while I use to feel immense guilt about it, I have come to understand that God is so much bigger than my anger.
My Anger at God
This week has been a week of extremes for me. Monday and Tuesday night ended in tears, the kind of tears that result in puffy eyes the next morning.
Due to circumstances that are out of our control my husband and I are making decisions that affect every area of our life. We only want to live in God’s will for us, but the direction He is taking us seems to be in direct contradiction to where He had brought us up to this point.
Through tears I expressed to my husband that I just felt ANGRY.
Why would God do that?
Why would He lead us in one direction and then completely contradict Himself and tell us to just leave all of that and go another direction?
You see I struggled because I knew beyond a shadow of doubt, with complete faith and belief, that we had done what He wanted us to do. My faith in the decisions we had made were as strong as my faith that Jesus is my Savior. I knew we had been led by the spirit to where we currently stand.
As I sat in my broken heart alone, I let God know I was angry. I questioned Him as to why, but told Him even if I did not get my answer I was going to trust Him and praise Him for it all. I would hold onto His promise in Romans 8:28 that, “God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them.”
I cried out to God asking for clarity, wanting nothing more than to rest in peace that passes all understanding.
As God often does, He ministered to my heart through music, journaling, running and His word.
God is Bigger Than My Anger
If you have children you have no doubt heard the question, “BUT WHY?”
Our children aren’t always able to understand our reasoning for doing things the way we do, whether due to their age or maturity level.
My kids don’t always understand why we don’t let them watch some of the TV shows that many of their friends watch. We ask them to trust us that we are making these decisions based on what we think is best for them.
We are fallible in our decision making, but God is not!
Just as we ask our kids to trust us because we can see some of the dangers that lie ahead, which are hidden to them, God asks us to trust Him because He sees all.
While admittedly sometimes I just want to answer my boys with, “Because I said so,” I do the best I can to give them a glimpse into my heart behind the decision. I am not threatened by their question of why.
God is not threatened by us questioning why either.
His love is beyond our comprehension, and there is no escaping it even when we get angry.
God holds all of the world in Hands. Our anger is not too much for Him.
Joy Comes in the Morning
As I stated previously this week was one of extremes, my anger being one extreme, and overwhelming joy being the other.
As I pressed into God, and laid my anger at His feet, He gave me that peace that surpasses all understanding which only He can give, and clarity as to what the next step should be.
I still don’t understand the reasoning of the path He has taken us on, but I have peace to trust Him with the direction we are going.
My favorite story in the Bible is when Peter walks on water. Although Peter often gets a bad rep, he was the only disciple bold enough to step out of the boat. Once walking on water he began to look at the waves instead of keeping his focus on Jesus. The Bible says, “He was terrified and begin to sink.”
God has shown me that I lost focus.
He is showing me my “waves,” and assuring me they will not overtake me.
My Gracious Heavenly Father is doing so much more than that. He is burning into my heart hope and vision for more than I have ever dreamt. It is completely humbling!
All He has asked of me in return is to keep my focus on Jesus! He has assured me I will “walk on water.”
Do you want to walk on water too? I encourage you to focus on Jesus and not the waves. Don’t be afraid to take your hurts, angers, fears, and anxieties and lay them in surrender at the feet of Jesus. He is bigger than all of it, and He died on that cross so that you could be free from them. Rest in Him, and let Him do the work of righting your wrongs. He finished it on the cross. He makes the crooked path straight.
P.S. This is just one of the many songs that God used to minister to my soul. I hope it speaks into you too!