*This post contains affiliate links.
The History Behind My Weight Journey
Being a mom is the greatest gig on the planet. I love my four little guys more than words can describe. Having my babies has done a number to my body, and I am beginning to focus on taking care of me.
I have been blessed to be a stay-at-home mom for 9 years now. (How is that possible?!)
We decided to homeschool our boys, so three and half years ago we began that journey.
To say that I eat, sleep and breathe mommy-hood is an understatement. (Most nights at least one of the boys climbs in bed with me too.)
My oldest, Pumpkin Eater, is 9 years old. When he made me a mommy, he made it easy on me.
Being a new mom, I was determined to be a healthy and fit mom, so once I go the clearance, I began to work out. I worked out pretty intensely.
Shortly after beginning working out, my milk supply went down to almost nothing. Thinking breastfeeding was more important than shedding a few extra pounds, I laid off the workouts and focused on getting my milk supply back.
Right as my baby boy turned 10 months old, I was able to get back in my skinny jeans. We also decided to try for another baby since baby number 1 had been so easy. Four weeks later I found out baby number two was on his way, and the pregnancy weight started again.
After Jumping Bean was born I knew from the first go-round that I would probably would have to workout very lightly. I tried doing very low intensity workouts, and again lost my milk supply. This time I wasn’t able to get it back.
Once I came to terms that I couldn’t get the milk supply back, I gave it all I had in working out and eating healthy, following The Maker’s Diet. I got back into a size 0 skirt that I had since before kids. I was only 7 pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight from before both babies.
I trained for a marathon, and got injured in the process. Even with an injury I decided to run it anyway, because I had put so much time in training. I ran it, and two weeks later was surprised to find out I was pregnant with baby number 3.
I gained pregnancy weight once again, but decided not to push working out since the previous two times my milk supply went away.
Once I finished nursing my third baby boy, Rootin Tooter, I decided that I would follow the same regimen I had used to lose the weight after number 2. This time the weight did not want to come off.
My Body Was Done
All three boys were born in three and a half years. I felt like my body was saying, “I am done! You have put me through too much. I have been pregnant or nursing for five years straight, and I am done!”
I knew my hormones were way out of whack. I even had one doctor lecture me that I had been too hard on my body having three boys in as many years. She told me, “Tell me you are not going to have any more, and that you will stop punishing you body.” That was the last time I saw her.
I gained a workout buddy, and we worked out hard in my garage. I had cut out carbs and processed foods. I usually did more reps and weight than my partner. She would tell me she had McDonalds for lunch. She lost 40 pounds and I lost 5. To say I was discouraged was an understatement.
I was the heaviest I had ever been in my life, and miserable. My self esteem was definitely lacking.
I hated going to parties and events because I always felt judged. I felt judged partly because it was my own self confidence that was lacking, and partly because my extended family made comments about my weight.
I Wasn’t Done Yet
My husband and I made the decision that we were going to try for one more for a baby. I figured there wasn’t much point in struggling with it any more because I would just gain the weight again during pregnancy.
I got pregnant with number 4, and put even more pounds on. Once again the pounds did not want to come off after finishing nursing my little guy.
My baby boy is now 2 years and 3 months old. I am still carrying more weight than I care to admit, but I will do it anyway.
As of this morning when I stepped on the scale I weighed 162.3 pounds.
Everything in me wants to backspace that last sentence, but I won’t.
Since I finished nursing my little Exclamation Mark, I have tried a couple of different diets to try to lose the weight. I was successful at losing 13 pounds, and a couple of months ago was able to get my wedding ring back on. I had not been able to wear it since halfway through my pregnancy with him. That was a MAJOR win for me!
I hit a rut again though, and didn’t seem to be losing any more weight.
Not seeing the results I wanted, I lost motivation to try, and through the holiday season put 5 pounds back on.
What I am Going to Do Now
A few months ago a Beachbody coach I have followed for a while on Instagram and Facebook contacted me to see if I was interested in joining her workout group.
At the time I was having success on my own so I declined, but didn’t rule it out completely.
She contacted me a couple more times, the last time being the week of Christmas.
I finally responded this week, being honest with her the my delay in response was due to the fact that I was considering it, but was a little hesitant about the money. (We are also going through Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University right now. I am in Debt Snowball mode with gazelle intensity.)
Another part of the delay that I did not confess to her was the fact that the enemy had been trying to tell me I was a looser for not being able to do it myself.
I knew what to do. Why couldn’t I do it?
My poor husband has had way too many conversations with me about my desire to lose weight. He encouraged me to go for it, and I sign up under Alicia.
That afternoon I contacted Alicia, and ordered my products. I went with Beachbody On Demand so I would have access to all of the programs, but I will be beginning the 21 Day Fix on Monday.
I am very excited, and encouraged by the group of ladies, and the successes they have had following the program. I am praying I will have the same success.
Why I am doing it
As of now I am still miserable in my own skin.
I am embarrassed by the weight, and would rather hide from people.
If there is a camera anywhere around, I try to dodge it.
I hate the lack of energy I have, and the struggle that carrying extra weight is.
All of these are things, I am determined to change!
I am selling all out to the process and 21 Day Fix program. I am going to do exactly what I am told to do without thinking about it.
I am going to lean on my coach and group of ladies online to be my accountability. I am letting go of the lie that not being able to do it on my own makes me weak. God designed us for community and need for one another.
I am letting go of guilt of taking time for myself, and standing in the truth that taking care of my temple will allow me to be a better mommy and wife.
Being a stay-at-home mommy the last 9 years, who like so many other moms gives everything I am into raising my children, I lost a part of who I am.
I am not going to let the enemy win anymore. With the help and leading of my Savior, I am going to get that part of myself back, and I won’t give up until I do!
Mommies give up a lot to their children, but we can’t forget about ourselves. If we do, we will hit burnout.
I love a statement that Alicia posts every so often with a picture of her children. She says, “Let your kids be your reason, not your excuse.”
My boys are my reason! I know I will be a better mommy if I take care of myself!
Like the stewardesses say on airplanes, you have to put your oxygen mask on first.
I am committing to making self care a priority and letting go of the guilt. To make it through the long haul, and be the mommy I have always dreamt of being, I know I must invest in myself.
I know some of you have been were I am, or maybe you are there now. Join me in taking care of yourself. Let me know what steps you are going to take. I would love to pray for you and encourage you in your journey.
It doesn’t have to be just weight related. What are some other ways that you take care of and invest in yourself? This year I plan to make self care a priority, and am looking for ideas besides walking through Target on how to get alone with myself, and better myself. I would love to hear from you!